Three Mistakes Parents Make During the College Application Process—and What to Do Instead

Pitfall #1: Applying to college for your student, not with them

A high school counselor told us about a scenario she experiences several times a year. She will often ask students to log into their Common App account or college-specific application portal, typically because they have a question or need clarification on an item. And in many instances, the student will look embarrassed and admit that they do not know their login information or that their parents completed the application on their behalf. 

Convenience, nervous energy, or your student’s lack of motivation may fuel your desire to start their applications, but this may result in your student feeling inadequate or ashamed. It could even shake their confidence. 

What to do instead: Set up time to sit down with your student and review the websites, databases, and logins they will need to start their applications. Sit with them only for the first application. Guide them through it, but do not hover. Wait for them to ask you a question, rather than dictating the experience. 

Pitfall #2: Confusing procrastination for apathy 

For many parents, student hesitancy to start or complete college applications and essays induces stress. Remember: the college admissions process is a completely new and unfamiliar experience for them. The thought of how much their life will change evokes a very real sense of fear. Some students may be undecided on their plans, and not even be certain about the idea of college at all. Many of these students have not made many adult decisions, which is overwhelming. It’s common in these scenarios for students to procrastinate or avoid getting started as a coping strategy, but it doesn’t mean they’re not motivated—they’re just scared or uncertain how to start. 

What to do instead: Create a plan to break down the entire process into smaller, more manageable parts. Go over deadlines and encourage them to set completion goals for certain parts, for example, when they’ll finish their essay, when they’ll request their transcripts, or selecting their recommenders. Encourage them to see their high school counselor to walk them through the process. Work with them to prepare for the appointment, including questions they need to ask, what information they may need, critical deadlines, and anything else. 

Pitfall #3: Focusing on prestige instead of fit

Parents naturally want the best for their students, but they can sometimes confuse prestige for fit. It’s tempting to push your student to consider schools based on their ranking or name recognition, but that discounts the most important part of the college search process: finding the school that fits your student’s academic needs, personal preferences, and your family’s budget. When you place pressure on your student to earn acceptance at a school that ranks in the top 10 for pre-med programs, and your student’s academic performance is stronger in social studies and English, you’re not setting them up to succeed. A lesser-known school may have a stronger community that your student thinks they’ll thrive in or be able to offer more financial aid.

What to do instead: Guide them to make their own choices on where they want to apply from their list of Safety, Match, or Reach schools or whether they want to apply for Early Action or Early Decision. No student will be successful if they don’t feel ownership in the major decisions like these. 

How can you best support your students as they apply to college? 

Applying to college is a rite of passage and one of the first steps into adulthood that your student gets to take. It’s tempting to overstep, but letting them lead this process gives them a sense of ownership and accomplishment and empowers them to begin their collegiate experience on their own. 

Remember: healthy birds leave the nest. This is their future; let them find their way—and trust all of the effort you have made as parents to prepare them for this.